gone

i was in a flight, about to touch down. I hate this part of the flight. Ever since i stopped travelling for 11 or 12 years, i’ve been experiencing these symptoms.

I look out of my cosy window seat, and gasped. the sky was rosy, and bathed in the after sunrise glow. I had never had the opportunity to witness such a beautiful sunset. but in a few seconds, all i saw was the nearing countryside. The airport was cramped with tourists everywhere. I was upset, that i rejected the company of friends, glad that i was alone. Some how. Confused.

So this is what country living felt like. Being alone, i was taking my time to enjoy the lush hills and scenic mountains. Suddenly, i heard a familiar voice calling out to me. It was him. My heart did a little flutter. I turned, only to be greeted by the chirping of the birds. I was still in denial. why? why? why?

Why did events take such a turn?
He was always there for me, every single time. Even when he was absorbed in his gaming sessions, he never forgot to call. Now, I wish I had been more attentive, more careful with my words, more observant.

He cared for me like no other. He helped me through my sorrows, even sacrificing his love for my happiness. Eventually, he won me over. Still i was doubtful. I doubted him. He always told me to live for the moment, enjoy each and everyday, not to worry and fret over nothing. I listened, but I doubted.

I should have listened with all my heart. now that he’s gone, he would have asked for the same, for me to be happy. All he wanted was me to be happy. His smile, his hug, and his presence. Now, there’s only memories.

We had so many good times together…

In my wallet, he smiles back at me from a time long past. Our first dinner date, where he tried to be friendly.
I still remember how i gave him a hard time, but softened after dinner. I let out a soft giggle. Cooking meals for each other, having sleepovers, movie marathons, etc..

Memories came flooding back and so did my tears.

One of the most cherished memory was the beach. He brought me to a park, asking me to accompany him on a night blading session. I agreed, and let him take the lead. He led me to a place, and since I had night blindness, he carried me over to a patch. Once I was on the grass, he whipped out his package, comprising some fruits and snacks. He told me that we would be camping here for the night. I didnt quite believe him, as he was a homely guy who would never camp out unless he had too.

‘Hey sleepy head, gd morning!!!’ I yawned, only to be greeted by the vast beauty of the sunrise.

We were planning so many things to do together. We had finally accomplished our dream of a mini bakery bar, and it was slowly but surely gaining popularity.

I never knew that our time together would be cut short. If i could, I would turn back time. hold him once more, tell him that i will not doubt him anymore.

I was hit, in the shoulder. An apple dropped on me. I had forgotten that I was under a huge apple tree. I had come to the countryside in the hope of taking a break, after a month of his passing. I needed to recover, but i couldnt. he was a part of me and i still could not accept the fact.

I still remember the day.

I had just finished cooking breakfast, and had set the table, when i heard a loud thud. I turned to see him behind me, on the floor. He looked at me, and said, ‘i love you’. I was in shock, he was healthy. I tried to get him to look at me, but he was gone. Gone. Right before my very eyes. the ambulance came, and the doctor said something… I couldnt hear him… didnt want to hear him…

I didnt know what to do. All i knew was that my love was taken from me.

I decided it was time to move on. I couldnt be stuck in a rut. He wouldnt want that.

‘Jane, remember I’ll always be with you.’ This was what he had told me a few years back, when I was trying to make a tough decision, on whether to travel on business.

It was a whisper, but i heard it clearly. ‘Tory, is that you???’ I asked silently. Suddenly, another apple dropped in my hand. I heard him in my head. Motivated by his words, I managed to get a bus down to the motel. I decided to enjoy myself. This is going to work. I will be happy again, for Tory.